Read a Free Sample of “Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate.”
[“Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate”] is at one level nearly wacky, but it has deeper concerns, reflected in the examination of the treatment of such disadvantaged individuals as alcoholics, Confederate veterans, the Chinese, Jews, and of course clockwork ex-soldiers. It all comes together very effectively.(Recommended Story)
— Rich Horton, Locus, July 2008

This is dark comedy, wonderfully absurd, riotously bawdy, populated by a full set of fantastically flawed characters …. Yet it is also a poignant tale of wanting to belong, wanting to be counted as a human among humans.(Recommended Story)
—Lois Tilton, The Internet Review of Science Fiction, August 2008


Thanks for taking a second to meditate on my Pick-What-You-Pay scheme for “Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate”! Here’s my thinking: This DRM-free ebook bundle offers certain advantages and disadvantages. On the downside, it’s clearly a little bit more of a hassle to buy directly from me than it is to use Amazon’s whiz-bang one-click Whispernet cloud-based thingy. On the upside, by purchasing here you’ll get unencrypted copies of all the available electronic formats of my novella, so you can read on basically any device. I encourage you to treat these exactly as you would any printed book: Give one as a gift, loan it to a pal, use it as a coaster (after printing or burning to to physical media, obviously)—but please don’t post them for the world at large to download (on account you can’t do that with a “real” book) or burn it (because of the fumes).

It's not surprising then that Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate was a Nebula Award nominee in 2008 and although he didn't win or make the finalists list, he certainly could have. In my opinion, what the world could use more of is additional entertainment like this. … Recommended for Steampunk fanatics, western lovers, those interested in the human endeavor, anyone seeking a story with humor, fans of clock-work men, and those looking to get lost in a compelling story. (5 out of 5 stars)
—William H. Rose, III, Steampunk Magazine, January 2013
I have no idea what these costs and benefits are worth to you, Dear Reader, so I’m suggesting this sliding scale:

“Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate”
Illustrated ebook pack
Same as the Kindle version available through Amazon, but DRM-free, and in formats suitable for almost any device. Includes mobi, ePub, PDF (in several print-ready layouts), and digital extras(!!!) “Patrons” get an exclusive, handmade, signed and numbered print edition (pictured above)!

  • $15 (“Deluxe Patron!”): You like my work enough that you want to help fund new and exciting weirdness. As a token of their awesomeness, patrons get the DRM-free ebook bundle and an exclusive, handmade, signed and numbered print edition (like the one in the picture above). The newest round of print editions have laser-printed interiors, sewn bindings, and handset letterpress-printed covers (made on the very same century-old Chandler & Price press that’s shown on the Wikipedia entry for Chandler & Price New Style printing presses!) Each is individually customized. Want a personalized message? Just mention in the notes when you order. (International Patrons please add $10; you wouldn't believe what it costs to mail one of these packages overseas!)
  • $5 (“Steampunk”): You dig steampunk, or you dig other stuff I’ve written; you’ll dig this.
  • $1.50 (“Market Value”; this is what the original Paradox magazine readers paid for the story, in terms of dollars/page): You’re a little hesitant about this “steampunk” thing, but willing to wager the price of a coffee.
  • 99-cents (or “Candy Money”): You’re a student or other penniless sort; I understand. We’ve all been there.
If none of these payment levels work for you (or you aren’t a credit card person), drop me an email and we’ll work something out.

With language that reminds many readers of Twain and a sensibility that both entertains and makes you think, this is a novella worth every penny of that measly money you will lay down. Even better, we get some marvelous pen and ink styled illustrations that hold up well for Kindle and really do add to the story.
—Deni, Best Fantasy Stories, August 2013.
Read a Free Sample of “Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate.”

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Just in case you navigated here from parts unknown, this is Amazon’s blurb for the book:

In this celebrated alternate history, a lonely veterinarian recounts a mischievous Confederate veteran's attempts to teach clockwork soldiers to make nice with their neighbors.

The long Civil War is finally over, thanks to the brutal battlefield efficiency of the clockwork soldiers of Sherman's Terrible Mechanical Corps. Many decommissioned "clockies" have fled West to live out their retirement peacefully. A small enclave settles near Lost Creek, Utah, and is accepted as a tolerable nuisance by their Mormon neighbors—until Dickie Tucker, a crippled Confederate veteran, takes it upon himself to teach these machines the art and craft of being, or at least seeming, human.

Lois Tilton wrote in the Internet Review of Science Fiction that this novella is "dark comedy, wonderfully absurd, riotously bawdy, populated by a full set of fantastically flawed characters, such as Two-Ton Sadie the madam, who helps [Dickie] demonstrate the art of copulation, and 'Rabbi' Emet Kohen, who ministers to a congregation of Hebrew Zunis. Yet it is also a poignant tale of wanting to belong, wanting to be counted as a human among humans."

Other stories set in this clockwork universe have appeared in the VanderMeer Steampunk anthologies and Asimov's Science Fiction.